Sunday, 19 June 2011

Father's day

my dad with Sophie
Today is Father's day so I wanted to dedicate this post to my lovely dad who was everything to me
he was a dad, a friend and most of all my HERO
My dad done his best for us always when we were small when we got our own houses when we had children he was always there for us no matter what
I remember Michael being poorly and I was on the phone to my mum he suddenly went blue I said I need an ambulance and put the phone down my dad and mum live about 3 mile away and we actually here before the ambulance to stay with the other 2 children
I can honestly say I had the best upbringing possible
Things were great until one Friday march 2010 me my mum and sister were planning a night out and my dad had had routine bloods done as he was diabetic etc and the phone rang it was the hospital they said they needed to see him straight away my dad being my dad said he would go in the morning as he felt fine and no way was he missing eastenders and corrie
the next day he went and they asked him how he felt he said he was fine they said they needed to do a bone marrow biopsy and would call him to come in Monday ALARM bells rung I knew this meant they were looking for leukemia but I thought this was curable.
The hospital called and said they would do it Thursday I felt nervous but my dad looked healthy and felt fine on the Wednesday everyone was at my sisters house and my dad was playing with the kids
Nothing prepared me for what was about to happen next on Thursday I called my mum in the morning and she said dad was quiet we put it down to nerves he had the biopsy and they sent him home at 3pm when I was collecting the children from school my mum called and said she was worried about him so I asked did she want me to go up to hers she answered YES
I dropped the children at home with there dad and went as I arrived the hospital were on the phone something was on the biopsy and they needed him in in the morning but if we were concerned to take him straight to A&E , which we did , I didn't realised how bad things were until the nurse asked him who he was and he didn't know then asked did he know my mum the lady he had spend his life with they had met at 15 years old and been together since he say yes yes yes then when asked who he said I don't know and then the same with me (you really don't know how this feels until it happens ) The Doctor said he needed a brain scan the next day to see what was happening ,that night he was put on a ward and me and my mum went to my house in the early hours of the morning.
We had to go and meet a Doctor for bone marrow biopsy and it was confirmed my dad had AML (Acute myeloid leukemia).
He would need 4 months of intense chemotherapy and the scan wouldn't need to be done, We went in to see my dad and he was so tired but somehow I knew he was there as me and my dad had something special a bond like no other and even when I was going on holiday he cried as I kissed him goodbye I seen a tear I knew he was still there and that he knew me.
that evening the phone rang and we had to get to the hospital quickly my dad had suffered fits and was unresponsive I totally crumbled but my little sister didn't let him go and he responded he was then placed on a life support and a scan was done. We sat in the family room waiting for news he had a bleed on his brain but it had stopped but had a infection didn't know if this was good or bad I asked would the chemo still go ahead the reply was YES .
Over the next 2 days he improved greatly and knew who we were and were he was thinks looked so much better.
On Monday when we arrived we were told the Doctor were doing a procedure and we had to wait 2 hours passed before we were allowed in he didn't look right I asked him how he was and the reply was "I'm dying I feel like I'm dying" I left my mum and brother with him and called my sister who came up straight away
The nurse got him some pain relief and he settled down before leaving we were a little concerned that he seemed in to deep asleep but were told that he was very tired and was OK.
My mum was staying with me so I got a bath and we sat chatting then we decided to call the hospital earlier than usual they said we should get family to come now so my husband called my sister and brother and we went my dad was in a coma and there was nothing they could do anymore, we were told the chemo wouldn't work and it was best to let him go peacefully, I was scared how long this would take what pain he would be in, The doctor said it could take days but no pain at all so I  went and told my dad how much I loved him and kissed him goodbye I couldn't watch them take his drips down so I left the room for a minute and went the toilet my phone rang it was my mum I ran back and he had gone my HERO had passed away AML had took his life in 4 days I really couldn't understand how this had happened in fact I still can't and the missing him doesn't go away I don't think it ever will,
We had my dads funeral on the 17th march 2010 my nans birthday and St Patrick's day also the day before my mums 60th birthday she wore the ring he had got her for it that day and treasures it , I know my dad was a good man by the amount of people at the service I have never seen so many people upset and showing respect.
I now know that life can end at anytime without any notice so I treat everyday as though its my last don't live with regrets and always tell those you love how much they mean to you

I wanted to share this story I read when I had to explain to my children

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun.
For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in awhile one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another. "One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she is going?" Up, up, up it slowly went....Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return...
"That's funny!" said one water bug to another. "Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second... "Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third.
No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. "I have an idea". The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why." "We promise", they said solemnly.
One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up, he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broke through the surface of the water and fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above.
When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings...The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly!!

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying
around, just as he had been doing some time before.

The dragonfly remembered the promise: "The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why." Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water...

"I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least, I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went."
And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air.......

From: "Waterbugs and Dragonflies : Explaining Death to Young Children"
by Doris Stickney


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